Not looking good for Xmas

 Though there are still groomers I can call, I've made a lot of calls and have now put up flyers at all of the local vets that have boards, as well as at TSC. 

The plan to get a new bed and ask Leah again also hasn't worked because no one wants a free bed frame. Honestly. The mission store only comes out for a full house load of furniture. Facebook is a bust. I'm left trying to figure out how I can get the mattress and box springs out of my house without damaging my back and then how to dismantle my bed. I guess I could take the chain saw to it. I hadn't thought of that until just now. Or I could cut the posts so that it would fit it out the door. We'll see. I need to try putting a poster out at the road first.

Both Mom and Dad hounded me today about making it for Xmas. I wish they wouldn't second guess me or make obvious suggestions as though I'm an idiot or as though I'm somehow intentionally delaying. If I can't make it for Xmas, I can't make it. Eventually I'll find someone and I'll visit then. Until then, I won't be traveling.

Mom needs to own part of this situation since she nixes any attempts at a compromise that would allow me to stay with them with my pets. So it is what it is.

Gma Inman and Gpa Inman Messages 12-3-23

 Grandma Inman--Herbal Tarot

8 of Cups (Gravel Root)

A need to step outside of the usual emotional attachments in order to understand a more essential, personal source of emotional renewal. Honoring the need for time detached from the usual connections regardless of how supportive they may be.

Fool (Ginseng)

Making friends with the void. What is worth carrying into a new phase? What do I need to feel optimistic about leaving behind the known without having a firm footing in the future? Following my nose or knowing what the right scent to follow is. What scents will help uplift me?

6 of Wands (Hawthorne)

A new arena in which I'm a natural, that's familiar and in which I'll succeed.

Together I think they're saying that only after I find a method of emotional renewal will I have the courage and optimism to take risks. I have no idea what the arena of activity referred to in the 6 of Wands could be.

Extension: 

Empress/7 of P/Star

It's appropriate to make use of the generosity of my mother because her resources are a more collective resource than I realize and because they give her hope...

Tower/5 of C/Judgment

...that I will be ready to help them when there is need.

To be honest, I don't think I'll be able to be that much help because of my health but certainly there's no chance of my helping if I'm too bound up here.

On a whim, I pulled a Black Angel card and received a message about having faith and trusting in the unseen. This deck makes it more clear that I need to shift away from spending my time and energy on making money and instead focus on what it will take to be more involved with family, which means figuring out how to pave a way forward. Even when it feels like spending Mom and Dad's money is all about me, it's not. It's about our final days as a family.

Grandpa Inman--Tarot Illuminati

Princess of Sw/Ace of Sw/7 of W

Use your head and clear the deck.

9 of P/9 of Sw/Lovers

Worry less about myself or money and more about my parents.

Hermit/Moon/World

I need to forge ahead regardless of uncertainty. It may take a year for things to come to fruition.

I tried asking about how the housing situation will resolve itself and didn't get a response that made any sense. It is apparently the Moon in the set above.

Gma & Gpa Pearson Message 12-3-23

Herbcrafters Tarot

4 of Earth--Willow (basket construction)

• Creating a base frame on which to cumulatively build a complete structure.
• Planning to be sure to have all of the supplies for steady progress.
• Planning the stages of the process so I know where to pick up again if there's an interruption.

I think this refers to seeking housekeeping and pet care help. It is also generally good advice for anything I'm doing.

5 of Earth--Slippery Elm (sapling needing protection and support)

• "You have what it takes to survive a crisis."
• "The home is old and in need of repair but is sturdy."
• "Alienation from your support structure compounds an issue."
• "Create a warm and comfortable place to hole up until your situation improves."

This clearly refers to my home and encourages doing repairs on it and making it more comfortable until it's time for me to sell it.

3 of Earth--Raspberries (3 full baskets)

• "Teamwork multiplies productivity."
• "Trust your leadership and organizing skills."
• "Approach people with clear expectations and agreements."
• Direct skills toward something you will enjoy in the end.
• Being stronger and happier together.
  

This could apply to either pet help or home help all of which are directed toward bringing me into contact more frequently with family. There's mention that raspberry canes don't produce fruit until the second year so I should expect this process to take some time.

Surrender Cards 12-2-23

NEW DIRECTION

Surrender to Receiving Support and Love

Stop trying to handle everything myself. Allow the help of others to take the pressure off and allow me to feel nurtured.

In practical terms this means getting home care help and possibly leaving US Chess or taking a leave of absence so I can focus on seeing parents and taking care of myself.

PHASE ONE

Surrender the Habit of People Pleasing

It's significant that this continues to come up. Focus on my own happiness is the key message. 

Who will I inconvenience if I prioritize my own happiness and why am I unwilling to inconvenience them? In what way will I inconvenience them?

PHASE TWO

Surrender Your Addictions

I'm working on this and am making progress. I think I need a better understanding of what holes the addictions are filling and what would better fill them.

PHASE THREE

Surrender to Success

I need to define what would be success for me at this time and do what I can to employ others to help me get it. It clearly is not monetary success or work success, so what success is it going to be and which things need to go for the new success to come into being

What to be grateful for 12-2-23

Divine Circus

Her Wicked Ways--Comfortable in Winter

Yes, the winter is a break for me physically, though I don't know why. Speaking of the weather more generally, it has finally rained enough to cause puddles for the first time in months. I'm also grateful to have a secure home and all the clothes needed to get through the seasons.

Ra! Ra! Ra!--Elaborate Ideas/Ambition

Maybe this should be in reverse. I'm still in simplifying mode and am doing fairly well progressively letting complex projects fall by the wayside or be on indefinite pause. My absence is not particularly missed, which is all the more reason to continue on my current path.

Gypsy Columbine--Explore your eccentricity

This is the beauty of living alone.

Majestic Earth Celtic Cross Spread 12-2-23

1. Situation--Hierophant's Domain

• A desire to do the right thing, especially regarding elders.

2. Present influence--Spirit of Stone

• Stability, but also distance and obstacles. Things set in stone can make goals seem impossible. I need to learn to fly to overcome the distance and obstacles--or to plan a longer timeline.
• This combined with the Hierophant hints at a spirtual journey or trial.

3. Card representing me--Rider of Trees

• Yes, the need for travel and swift action, which I'm not really capable of these days. Maybe this represents what I want to be true.
  

4. Recent past--8 of Clouds

• Waylaid, shipwrecked, stuck in the ice of my body. The ice is breaking up but I need a crew to sail the ship.

5. Desired outcome of situation--9 of Stone

• To be master of my destiny, stable, without the need for travel, to be more permanently and comfortably ensconced in one location.

6. Entering influence--Rider of Water

• Emotionally adrift or lackadaisical. No desire to move beyond my local environment. Feeling foggy and unfocused.

7. Trending outcome--5 of Water

• A time of grounded isolation. Not being able to pull off a Rider of Trees save of the situation.

8. Bridge between present (center) and trending outcome (northeast of center)--4 of Water

• Love where I'm at. Be patient with myself and my process.

9. Bridge between desired outcome (top) and trending outcome (right of top)--10 of Stone

• Allow the financial help of parents. Or again appreciate what I have even if it's not as grand as the past.

Overall this set of cards strike me as showing the benefits and disadvantages of stability. It would be best and would make me happy if I didn't have to go anywhere for the holidays but there currently isn't any way for me to resolve that situation. This reading and this deck don't offer solutions.

Being busy and spending money

 In large measure, it's just as well that I didn't end up traveling for Thanksgiving. I felt well enough on Thanksgiving day, Friday, and Saturday to get some things done around the house.

I finally got the three of the big bins out of the living room and took the two glassed end tables to the Mission store. I love how it has opened up the living room to something more normal. I still have two bins in there to decide on and one of the bins removed from the living room is sitting on a kitchen table because it needs to be repacked. I've ordered bubble wrap for that purpose.

I also had enough time to do shop online for a twin bed and mattress. Mom had invited me to help spend some money. I'll spend some on home maintenance/improvement but I also need to make my home more livable until I move and to allow for more storage space for boxed items.

I also attacked another box of books and got rid of all of them that were large because my hands can't deal with large books anymore.

Finally, I brushed dogs, clipped their nails, swept the kitchen, got rid of the roach bait (this was the year of the roach in my house for some reason) and vacuumed the living room (which I find so much more taxing than sweeping a floor). I discovered that Ginger has a nasty wound on her neck. I put triple antibiotic ointment on it but may have to take her to the vet. It appeared to have proud flesh developing around it. I wonder if it's related to the fight with Zippy and whether it's the spot where her large wart was. It was a large crusty wart that grew quickly then stagnated. I hadn't noticed it in a while. Lordy.

Today, Sunday, I crashed. I was really dragging and didn't get up (except for feeding animals) until late afternoon.